Splash in to a giant toilet bowl
I caught a speed boat from Koa Toa island to the mainland. The boat was
chock a block with feral hippies and "I can walk on water" dive instructors
who can't even count to ten in Thai. I sunk a few bears thi German
guy called Chang Noi ( name after a local Thai beer) at the pier before the
boat departed. Thirty kilometers out to sea with out a dunny within cooee,
the Gulf of Thailand's deep blue see beakoned me. It was either piss in my
pants or take drastic action.
The boat was cruising and I was sitting at the front of the boat. I slyly
took off my shoes before 'accidently' falling off the boat at 40 clicks and
hour. In retrospect this action might seem foolish but at the time it was a
"Splash".While the boat u-turned I had just enough time to relieve myself (ching chong)
before I was dragged on the boat. "Ubatihet"( it was an accident) I said to
all the amuzed and smiling Thais.
After the crew man dragged me in like I wa s a slab of tuna, with the motors
spinning omnioulsy before my legs the hippies at the front of the boat were
scowling at me . One yankee dive instructor said he was ready to jump in and
save
me and said that I had potentially put his life at risk. I said cheers mate,
lets
have a cold Chang when we reach the mainland. Then he said I'd be the last
person he'd drink with. Taken by his gun ho attitude which I won't attribute
to any particular nation, I said sincerely was priviledged to meet a
certified arselole. Then he sarcastically added, " then you mean a Yank?"
And I answered "no, just you." I wanted to smash the geezers head in. The
dip was refreshing and the under water slash( Canadian slang for pee) was
better than an orgasm.
Adventure operators offer all kinds of expensive thrills from bungy jumping
to white water rafting. It's difficult to satisfy your crazy urges without
having to pay and arm and a leg and buy a shirt to prove that you have done
like bungy jumpers. They are only half thrill seekers. I like do think I'v
been where no other man has gone before. I might make a deal with local
print shirt makers with a Chang Moi copy rights: "How to piss off your
fellow traveller for free." Then I'll distrbute them to those bold enough to take the plunge.
Thomas Brecelic
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